


Too Late Weren't We?

by Greybin (TyunnieBFF)



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Cutting, Established Relationship, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt Kang Taehyun, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Kang Taehyun-Centric, M/M, References to Depression, Regret, Sad, Suicide, Suicide Notes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:15:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27007948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TyunnieBFF/pseuds/Greybin
Summary: Taehyun is goneAnd the four of them wondered, why, how, how did this happened?In which three friends, one lover maul over what they could've done to save their friend._I'm projecting don't mind me, this is how...I cope
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu & Kang Taehyun, Choi Soobin & Kang Taehyun, Choi Soobin/Kang Taehyun, Choi Yeonjun & Kang Taehyun, Huening Kai & Kang Taehyun, Kang Taehyun & Everyone, Kang Taehyun/Everyone
Comments: 4
Kudos: 33





	Too Late Weren't We?

Was there anything I could’ve done? 

_Anything_ at all?

That’s all I’ve been wondering these days, while walking blindly in the streets trying to live on, but I can’t- _No,_ I _can_ but it’s too hard. Still, I don’t really have the right to complain right?

Not when I could’ve done something, _anything_ , to make you stay. Or do I? I don’t know, which is why I hate it so much.

I didn’t know _anything_.

I didn’t know you were hurting; I didn’t know anything-

I wished I knew because I could’ve……I could’ve done _something_ to save you

I always thought you were so perfect, you always do so well in your classes and…..you never show your vulnerable side to just anyone, I guess it never occurred to any of us you never you that side to anyone.

You kept it to yourself till it eats you away all the while you lied to our faces with that cute toothy smile, you who is so afraid of being a burden, so strong for fighting alone for god knows how long but my strong little soldier….you held on _so bravely_

….till you couldn’t anymore.

When they called me, I rushed out of my lecture hall, I broke so many road rules with my speeding. Every second was a wish, a prayer so desperate for someone to tell me it wasn’t real, tell me I was dreaming.

But I wasn’t, it was real, I wished it wasn’t but its it is.

I got to the hospital, I saw you lying on that bed and the heart monitor wasn’t beeping, it stayed deathly silence, your face ghostly pale. I saw your parents in the corner hugging themselves as they bawl out in anguish of their loss, your mom asking out loud why had you done it, why did god take away her only son. Your father crying silent tears as he hugs his spouse, I remembered you saying you and him weren’t close because he was always so busy.

But I saw, I saw the regret on his face, I saw him counting all his missed chances to spend time with you. Chances he let slip by because he took you for granted, maybe he thought of it too, how you would still be here had he just played his part in your life.

I saw Kai, your best friends sobbing in their seats in the hallway. Kai’s hands were covered in blood as he hugs his knees. He was the one who found you wasn’t he? All lifeless and unmoving in a tub full of red, it scarred him you know? To see you like that.

Beomgyu was there too, but he wasn’t sad, he stood in front of your unmoving body on the bed.

And he cursed at you

Called you pretty mean things before breaking down. Didn’t you promise to be his best man? How are you gonna keep that promise when you’re not here? Taehyunnie…. Didn’t hyung always tell you it’s important to keep your promises?

And of course, Soobin.

I saw nurses in white trying to calm Soobin who was bursting with anger, punching the walls as screams of fury ripped out if his throat. I couldn’t imagine being him, it makes me wonder why wasn’t he enough of a reason for you to live?

Surely you told him, you told him how you hid barcodes-like scars under those oversized hoodies. You had him to hold you through your darkest days and nights, because I know you loved him, I’ve never seen someone love another so deeply as you do for him. So, I imagine even if the rest of us are out of reach, you’ll always have Soobin, your lover.

But you loved him too much didn’t you? So much that you rather hide than to share your pain.

And me Taehyun? I don’t know what to think. I didn’t know what to do other than keeping on asking myself why? Why? How did I outlived the kid that I babysat when I was younger? Why did the precious human I regard as my own younger brother is lying on a hospital bed, motionless with no heartbeat?

It felt like my world just…. stopped.

I think I cried? God, I don’t remember much of what happened to me because all I knew was you were there, and your eyes were close and your skin was so cold, it’s freezing to touch. But you looked so peaceful, and all those memories of your smiling suddenly didn’t make sense, they looked fake compared to your face then.

The face of someone who welcomed death.

God, why were you so good at hiding? And why were we so goddamn blind?

Taehyunnie, my sweet little Taehyunnie……I still…..I still comprehend why

Even on that day they lowered you down to your resting place, even now, 4 months later with all of us trying to keep living, without you.

Its…...it’s not complete, no more sneaking you out to play basketball together and get lectured at when Soobin finds out, no more long calls at 2am because why not.

It’s…….it feels wrong when I don’t see all four of you at my games, to be honest I couldn’t play basketball anymore, not when I only ever focused on finding your voice in the crowd.

Your voice that I’ll never hear again.

I know you're gone and I'll probably never will hear it again but.....it still hurts me.

Why is my question Taehyunnie, why did you leave us? Why didn’t you tell us?

Why did you lie so much?

Why….why did you had to take your life? Don’t you know I was so excited?

I was looking forward to your high school graduation, can’t wait to meet you in college and take you out to drink for the first time when you’re legal of age. I thought of one day seeing you graduate college and become a successful music producer you’ve always wanted to be.

I couldn’t wait for the day maybe you or Soobin will get down on one knee, the day one of you will walk down the aisle and share your vows, or the day you’ll have a family with him and I’ll be the uncle to your kids.

I watched you grew up ever since you were a small 5-year-old and I’ve only ever had in mind that I’m going to continue to watch you grow up into someone amazing because that’s you Kang Taehyun.

You are amazing, you….. _were_ …….amazing.

But Taehyunnie……I _never_ imagined….never in any lifetime that could possibly exist….

Never I thought there’ll be a point in my lifetime where I have to learn to live with the fact you won’t even celebrate your 18th birthday, that I must continue on with my own life….without you being a part of it.

So why……why did you do it…..


End file.
